I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Welp...herpes.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
