Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
