We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
