she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
