Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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