maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
