Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
