Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
