What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize