your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
