What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's rum buckets o'clock
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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