No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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