Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
