I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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