I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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