He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
