dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
