so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
