So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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