Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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