I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
