i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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