she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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