Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
