Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
