Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
