ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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