pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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