We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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