Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
