dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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