two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
