I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
