Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
