She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
