also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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