no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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