She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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