Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
