My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
