She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
