i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
