I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
zippers are such a cool invention
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
