Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
