You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
