so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have fence marks all over my body
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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