just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
