FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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