Sponge bath it is.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
