I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
