Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Buhtt sex?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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