Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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