Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
