So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i dont even know how to be here
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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