trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Are we still banned from the library?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
