I CAN MOONWALK!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
