Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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