she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
