8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
