I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
