Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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