I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
