She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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