1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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