I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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