her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
