i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
